Everything About the Cubs Sucks

The Chicago Cubs came to San Fran tonight, along with a few thousand of their frenzied, fair-weather fans. I have loathed the Cubs for a number of years now, and it's not from any envy or jealousy. It's the whole package. Yeah, I hate the Yankees, and their fans are obnoxious, but they've won twenty-freaking-something championships. That counts for something.

The Cubs, on the other hand, don't have much in the way of trophies. So it would seem that they're harmless. Well, they are in a major way. But their whole aura seems to be yuppification on steroids. Not that every Cubs fan is a yuppie, but they have some unexplainable weirdness about them that's not quite user friendly. Most of their fans are yahoos. The team has sucked forever, and a dying songwriter with cancer wrote a song about them telling how much they sucked. And the crowd went wild.

Their radio announcers suck, too, and I'm really glad I don't have to listen to them day in and day out. I hear "highlight" radio clips on all the major sports news from all the teams' announcers, and sometimes it's completely impossible to tell what just happened from the Cubs announcers. The other day I heard an unintelligible call on a scoring play, with the announcer saying something like this (the color guy I'll put in parenthesis): "Here's the 2-2 pitch.... Whoa! (Yeah!) There it is!...I don't believe it (Yahooooooooo!) Unbelievable! (Ohmygod!) Wow!" I think the Cubs scored, but they could just as easily won the game from all I could gather.

Maybe Wednesday at the Giants game I can have some fun not only heckling the Cubs, but their fans as well. Tonight the guy that sits behind us noticed that many of the Cubs fans were wearing Fukudome jerseys. He thought they were protesting a proposed domed stadium in Chicago.