The Braves Are Almost Dead!

The Atlanta Braves string of 14 consecutive division titles has come to an end. Their string of 14 consecutive playoff appearances is on its death bed in their feeble quest for a wildcard berth. With 11 games left, they are 6 games behind with 5 teams still in front of them. One problem with the 5 teams in front of them needing to lose a lot of games is that many of them still play each other, meaning that each of those teams will win several games each.

The Braves may have already been mathematically eliminated in advance without it happening yet. For example, the Giants still play 3 games against the Dodgers. Somebody has to win at least two of those. The Marlins play 6 games against the Phillies and 3 with the Reds. The Braves' chances are probably slimmer than they appear.

When that day finally arrives when I know that they and their fans' stupid, endless tomahawk chant won't be on TV, I'll be rejoicing. I've been waiting for this for about 13 years. But then, I'll be deprived of seeing them lose in October yet again. But at least they won't win the World Series. Sometimes trade-offs are worth it.

In the End in the End

As a followup to my post about the Braves' 14th division title, a startling thing came to mind just yesterday. For the past nine seasons, the last pitch of the Braves' year has resulted in watching the opposing team celebrate the winning of a post-season series. The Yankees streak is at four seasons watching the other team celebrate, while the Twins' 3 season streak was snapped this year by not making the playoffs at all.

Ten straight, boys?

Spoiler's List

What is the significance of the following list? Minnesota Twins, Toronto Blue Jays, Philadelphia Phillies, MLB players strike, New York Yankees, Florida Marlins, San Diego Padres, New York Yankees, St. Louis Cardinals, Arizona Diamondbacks, San Francisco Giants, Chicago Cubs and Houston Astros.

It's a list of what ended the Atlanta Braves' season quest for a World Series title. Every year except 1995, of course. Fourteen consecutive division titles and only one ring to show for it. Not very good in the clutch. And of all the NL teams that still have playoff possibilities, each team (SD, StL, Hou and Phi) is already on The List.

Each year I root against the Braves winning a division title. "Why can't this be the year?" But then I realize it's more satisfying to see them lose in the post season. I'm hoping for nothing different this year. The only question remaining is wether they will sell out a playoff game.

Homers and Boobs: Braves Announcers

The largest collection of boobs ever assembled in a baseball setting didn't have anything to do with female anatomy. It was in the Atlanta Braves TV broadcaster's booth, shown on superstation TBS. Remember those guys from the 80's and 90's? Complete homers with their cutesy nicknames for every Braves player and the unbelievable ignorant arrogance from the mouthpieces of a perennial last place team (in the 80's anyway) in their toilet of a stadium. Man.

The biggest Dumb and Dumber I ever witnessed from those guys was during a Braves telecast during the last few weeks of 1993. I went over to my dad's house and we were watching the game on the tube, listening to those idiots ramble. If you remember '93, it was that great pennant race between the Giants and Braves, each team winning over 100 games and being decided on the last day of the season, and the great MVP race between players on each team.

Sometimes announcers will talk about something between pitches of interest to the fans, and they will continue the subject for several innings. Well, on this day they picked the National League MVP race as their subject. They went on for about five innings. This was Bonds' first year with SF and hands down winner of the MVP. Stats gurus later figured that Bonds' performance in'93 was one of the top ten seasons for a player in all of baseball history. Yet these clowns could only discuss which one of their home town chummy chums, Greg Maddux or Tom Glavine, should win the MVP. Inning after inning of "is it Maddux, or is it Glavine?" Stats and insight, back and forth. My dad and I were incredulous. "What about Bonds, you morons!"

For about five innings, not only didn't they discuss Bonds, they didn't even mention his name. Not once. Then, finally, at the very last minute, when their discussion was almost over, they realized their error. One of them said, "Hey, we've been talking about the MVP race for all of this time and we've only mentioned the two Braves pitchers." The other said, "Yeah, you're right. No discussion of the MVP would be complete without including [Phillies player] Lenny Dykstra!"

If Playtex made a bra to hold those boobs, it would be a world record for sure.